Thursday, May 28, 2009

A change ....

Not that I maintain this one all that well to begin with, but I have started a new blog to follow all the trials and tribulations that are coming in the next 11 weeks with the big move. So while I will try to update here with non-nyc stuff, I will be posting more on the new blog:

Thursday, May 7, 2009

A message from the future

After reading Ryan's letter to his 18 year old self I got inspired to write one to my 18 year old self and it goes like this:

Dear 18 year old Megan

At this time you have already made the biggest and best decision of your life so far by deciding to go to Seattle University. As I already know you will survive and make it out of there in one piece. Don’t let the drama with your supposed friends get you down. Don’t stress about the IB tests, it works out the best for you because you will meet a dear friend (more on that in a moment) in you English 110 class and your Western Civ. professor will be one of the few you remember in fondness.

Don’t get caught up in your romantic life, don’t worry you get your first kiss before you turn 19 and you will eventually go on a date. Don’t get bogged down on the fact that it is with a friend, he is a good person and you will always remember him for it.

One thing you will learn is that life is not black and white, in fact you see so many shades of grey you often will have problems making decisions.

You still live with the mindset about not regretting things and believing things happen for a reason. But there are a few things you could do different, that future me believes can only help.

GO TO THERAPY winter and spring quarter of your junior year. You wasted too much time being depressed and unhealthy, you know better now and you knew better then. Ask for help from your friends, you got too good at hiding things from them.

Now to the friend you met freshman year, Kristin. Don’t run from her death. I still think it was better you went home during that time than the funeral, but go to the memorial dedication. Be there for Phoebe when she needs a friend the most, she is also going through a hard time and isn’t asking for help. You are stronger than you realize – a fact that is difficult for you to believe a lot of the time.

Your heart will break, it will have a crack down the center that sometimes when you look close enough you can see where the stitches were that sewed it back up. Do not blame yourself, you fell for the wrong person and that is life. Don’t let it sway your opinion of yourself or your worth in the eyes of others. Everyone will agree he was the one who missed out and messed up.

You are too hard on yourself and it will cause you a lot of angst, lighten up kid.

In the end of it all, you have a great group of friends who will see you at your very best and very worse. Trust me.

Your 24 year old self

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I fell off the wagon

I've been doing it again, while I am trying to consciously not talk about my body, that seems not to apply to my inner dialogue. It doesn't seem to apply to the numerous articles I have been reading online about people loosing weight or body image or the myriad of other related topics. While in part it seems difficult not to because just seems like it is every where I turn and other times I seek it out.

I suppose it is difficult not to do since I have been pity partying for the last three days. And nothing is more unattractive than a pity party. It is a funk that I can't shake, which just leads back to old habits.

Perhaps it is just change that I am craving, but I can't figure out what sort of change I want to make in my life. I mean there is the obvious big change that is happening with the move to the NYC. But that just still seems big picture enough that even all the small steps I am taking to don't seem like real changes.

I need immediate change now, change in my mindset, change in my routine. Something that gets me out of this funk, helps me regain my confidence and go back to the self-loving person I was merely a few weeks ago


Lloyd Dobler: Why can't you be in a good mood? How hard is it to decide to be in a good mood and be in a good mood once in a while?"
Constance: Gee, it's easy.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

An open letter

Dear those who attended the Lily Allen concert on Monday,


I have never been to a show before with so many rude people. It was as if a crowd of a couple hundred people had all never been to a concert before and had no concept of concert etiquette.

If you are approximately 7ft tall you do not come and stand directly in front of my under 5ft friend. You can see over everyone, stand in the back.

If you are too drunk to function, repeatedly hit on the same girls, do the above action, do us a favor and just go home. You ruined parts of the experience as I am spending time thinking of ways I could hit/punch/kick you without getting kicked out of the show or missing my favorite song.

Please do not sing at the top of your lungs in an off key, nasally voice. I did not pay $27 to hear you sing, I paid for Lily Allen. There are appropriate times to sing loud and proud at shows, an acoustic song when the whole venue is super quiet is not one of those times.

If you wanted to be at the front of the stage for the show, then get there early. Don't expect to have a good spot right as the set is beginning. Subsequently do not push past me, causing me to loose my spot with you and 6 of your friends expecting to get any closer. Split up or stand in a place where all of you fit. Don't make the rest of us squished because you didn't plan ahead.

Finally, PLEASE DO NOT HAVE ALMOST SEX IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CROWD. If you wanted to spend the whole time making out and humping each other, put the Lily Allen CD on and stay at home. You are very distracting and all that PDA is unnecessary.

As Lily Allen would say:

Fuck you, fuck you very very much

Monday, March 30, 2009

I am grateful for ...

Going to Gay Bingo with the girls from Jazzercise. It was lots of fun

Having a good Sunday night with my girls filled with group dinner and then movie

Hanging out with Isa on Sunday. Nothing like a being with a 5 year old to make you laugh and smile.

For my fruit tart coming out successfully.

Having a job. I have a job and no matter how frustrating and difficult it may be at times, I have a job. I need to remind myself of this one a lot.

I have health insurance. No matter how money -sucking I think they are, in reality it is better than no insurance.

My friends who get pizza and drinks with me after having a particularly soul-sucking day at work.

My friends for putting up with me when I am being overly dramatic or when I am taking more than giving to the friendship.

That Riz got a job (!!!)

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

50 Things I want in a relationship/boyfriend

A challenge had been presented to myself from the roommates to list 50 things we want in a relationship/boyfriend. It seemed like something fun to do and helped me prioritize what is an important characteristic of a person in general and not just how that would relate to me. It was also nice to look at it and see that I haven't met someone yet who meets all the criteria, which hopefully means there is still time.

*Also the list is in no particular order, just how they came to me as I started to write

1) College educated
2) Not a serial killer/rapist/bank robber, etc, etc
3) Has a good relationship with his family
4) Financially stable/responsible
5) We have physical chemistry
6) Enjoys reading
7) Likes to watch movies
8) Not pushy religious
9) Has a good sense of humor (ie enjoys a good Judd Apatow production or a Frat Pack movie)
10) Can handle and understand sarcasm
11) Steps up to the plate when it matters the most
12) Athletic to an extent - not a lazy ass
13) Has his own group of friends
14) Has is own interests that don't have to be the same as mine
15) Enjoys going to shows/ seeing live music
16) Is nice
17) Is patient
18) Is aware of pop culture and not totally oblivious when I make such references
19) Reads newspaper and other news sources
20) Not a picky eater
21) Can cook
22) Passionate about the music that he likes
23) Enjoys his job - to an extent
24) Has goals/dreams for the future and has plans set in motion to achieve them
25) Is a social person
26) Not argumentative, but can have discussions/debates when we disagree on things
27) Not passive and/or passive aggressive
29) Can get along with my friends
30) Knows how to use a napkin
31) Chews with his mouth closed
32) Can set a table properly
33) Has an fairly good grasp of grammar
34) Understands that he is not #1 in my life, that spot is reserved for Riz
34.1) Most of my friends will pull rank over him and that needs to be understood and I
would expect the same from him
35) Not an over the top do-gooder
36) Not a Debbie Downer most of the time
37) He is comfortable with himself
38) Not a slob i.e. will do dishes, pick up after himself
39) Not uptight
40) Likes playing board games, cards
41) Does NOT play stupid mind games
42) Likes going to the beach/lake/swimming; generally enjoys being near water
43) Not racist, a bigot, homophobic ...
44) Has an open mind and is accepting of people
45) Does not have serious issues with drugs of all kinds and/or is currently an alcoholic
46) Knows more about cars than I do (which isn't a lot)
47) Not critical, leave the judging to me, thank you very much
48) Likes traveling
49) Understands my need for Independence and is not overbearing and suffocating
50) "I like you very much. Just as you are"

Thursday, March 19, 2009

To brighten the gloomy afternoon

There are some songs that always make me stop and reflect and remind me of how I need to be living my life. This is one of them and I just wanted to share it.