After reading Ryan's letter to his 18 year old self I got inspired to write one to my 18 year old self and it goes like this:
Dear 18 year old Megan
At this time you have already made the biggest and best decision of your life so far by deciding to go to Seattle University. As I already know you will survive and make it out of there in one piece. Don’t let the drama with your supposed friends get you down. Don’t stress about the IB tests, it works out the best for you because you will meet a dear friend (more on that in a moment) in you English 110 class and your Western Civ. professor will be one of the few you remember in fondness.
Don’t get caught up in your romantic life, don’t worry you get your first kiss before you turn 19 and you will eventually go on a date. Don’t get bogged down on the fact that it is with a friend, he is a good person and you will always remember him for it.
One thing you will learn is that life is not black and white, in fact you see so many shades of grey you often will have problems making decisions.
You still live with the mindset about not regretting things and believing things happen for a reason. But there are a few things you could do different, that future me believes can only help.
GO TO THERAPY winter and spring quarter of your junior year. You wasted too much time being depressed and unhealthy, you know better now and you knew better then. Ask for help from your friends, you got too good at hiding things from them.
Now to the friend you met freshman year, Kristin. Don’t run from her death. I still think it was better you went home during that time than the funeral, but go to the memorial dedication. Be there for Phoebe when she needs a friend the most, she is also going through a hard time and isn’t asking for help. You are stronger than you realize – a fact that is difficult for you to believe a lot of the time.
Your heart will break, it will have a crack down the center that sometimes when you look close enough you can see where the stitches were that sewed it back up. Do not blame yourself, you fell for the wrong person and that is life. Don’t let it sway your opinion of yourself or your worth in the eyes of others. Everyone will agree he was the one who missed out and messed up.
You are too hard on yourself and it will cause you a lot of angst, lighten up kid.
In the end of it all, you have a great group of friends who will see you at your very best and very worse. Trust me.
Your 24 year old self