Thursday, May 28, 2009

A change ....

Not that I maintain this one all that well to begin with, but I have started a new blog to follow all the trials and tribulations that are coming in the next 11 weeks with the big move. So while I will try to update here with non-nyc stuff, I will be posting more on the new blog:

Thursday, May 7, 2009

A message from the future

After reading Ryan's letter to his 18 year old self I got inspired to write one to my 18 year old self and it goes like this:

Dear 18 year old Megan

At this time you have already made the biggest and best decision of your life so far by deciding to go to Seattle University. As I already know you will survive and make it out of there in one piece. Don’t let the drama with your supposed friends get you down. Don’t stress about the IB tests, it works out the best for you because you will meet a dear friend (more on that in a moment) in you English 110 class and your Western Civ. professor will be one of the few you remember in fondness.

Don’t get caught up in your romantic life, don’t worry you get your first kiss before you turn 19 and you will eventually go on a date. Don’t get bogged down on the fact that it is with a friend, he is a good person and you will always remember him for it.

One thing you will learn is that life is not black and white, in fact you see so many shades of grey you often will have problems making decisions.

You still live with the mindset about not regretting things and believing things happen for a reason. But there are a few things you could do different, that future me believes can only help.

GO TO THERAPY winter and spring quarter of your junior year. You wasted too much time being depressed and unhealthy, you know better now and you knew better then. Ask for help from your friends, you got too good at hiding things from them.

Now to the friend you met freshman year, Kristin. Don’t run from her death. I still think it was better you went home during that time than the funeral, but go to the memorial dedication. Be there for Phoebe when she needs a friend the most, she is also going through a hard time and isn’t asking for help. You are stronger than you realize – a fact that is difficult for you to believe a lot of the time.

Your heart will break, it will have a crack down the center that sometimes when you look close enough you can see where the stitches were that sewed it back up. Do not blame yourself, you fell for the wrong person and that is life. Don’t let it sway your opinion of yourself or your worth in the eyes of others. Everyone will agree he was the one who missed out and messed up.

You are too hard on yourself and it will cause you a lot of angst, lighten up kid.

In the end of it all, you have a great group of friends who will see you at your very best and very worse. Trust me.

Your 24 year old self

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I fell off the wagon

I've been doing it again, while I am trying to consciously not talk about my body, that seems not to apply to my inner dialogue. It doesn't seem to apply to the numerous articles I have been reading online about people loosing weight or body image or the myriad of other related topics. While in part it seems difficult not to because just seems like it is every where I turn and other times I seek it out.

I suppose it is difficult not to do since I have been pity partying for the last three days. And nothing is more unattractive than a pity party. It is a funk that I can't shake, which just leads back to old habits.

Perhaps it is just change that I am craving, but I can't figure out what sort of change I want to make in my life. I mean there is the obvious big change that is happening with the move to the NYC. But that just still seems big picture enough that even all the small steps I am taking to don't seem like real changes.

I need immediate change now, change in my mindset, change in my routine. Something that gets me out of this funk, helps me regain my confidence and go back to the self-loving person I was merely a few weeks ago


Lloyd Dobler: Why can't you be in a good mood? How hard is it to decide to be in a good mood and be in a good mood once in a while?"
Constance: Gee, it's easy.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

An open letter

Dear those who attended the Lily Allen concert on Monday,


I have never been to a show before with so many rude people. It was as if a crowd of a couple hundred people had all never been to a concert before and had no concept of concert etiquette.

If you are approximately 7ft tall you do not come and stand directly in front of my under 5ft friend. You can see over everyone, stand in the back.

If you are too drunk to function, repeatedly hit on the same girls, do the above action, do us a favor and just go home. You ruined parts of the experience as I am spending time thinking of ways I could hit/punch/kick you without getting kicked out of the show or missing my favorite song.

Please do not sing at the top of your lungs in an off key, nasally voice. I did not pay $27 to hear you sing, I paid for Lily Allen. There are appropriate times to sing loud and proud at shows, an acoustic song when the whole venue is super quiet is not one of those times.

If you wanted to be at the front of the stage for the show, then get there early. Don't expect to have a good spot right as the set is beginning. Subsequently do not push past me, causing me to loose my spot with you and 6 of your friends expecting to get any closer. Split up or stand in a place where all of you fit. Don't make the rest of us squished because you didn't plan ahead.

Finally, PLEASE DO NOT HAVE ALMOST SEX IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CROWD. If you wanted to spend the whole time making out and humping each other, put the Lily Allen CD on and stay at home. You are very distracting and all that PDA is unnecessary.

As Lily Allen would say:

Fuck you, fuck you very very much

Monday, March 30, 2009

I am grateful for ...

Going to Gay Bingo with the girls from Jazzercise. It was lots of fun

Having a good Sunday night with my girls filled with group dinner and then movie

Hanging out with Isa on Sunday. Nothing like a being with a 5 year old to make you laugh and smile.

For my fruit tart coming out successfully.

Having a job. I have a job and no matter how frustrating and difficult it may be at times, I have a job. I need to remind myself of this one a lot.

I have health insurance. No matter how money -sucking I think they are, in reality it is better than no insurance.

My friends who get pizza and drinks with me after having a particularly soul-sucking day at work.

My friends for putting up with me when I am being overly dramatic or when I am taking more than giving to the friendship.

That Riz got a job (!!!)

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

50 Things I want in a relationship/boyfriend

A challenge had been presented to myself from the roommates to list 50 things we want in a relationship/boyfriend. It seemed like something fun to do and helped me prioritize what is an important characteristic of a person in general and not just how that would relate to me. It was also nice to look at it and see that I haven't met someone yet who meets all the criteria, which hopefully means there is still time.

*Also the list is in no particular order, just how they came to me as I started to write

1) College educated
2) Not a serial killer/rapist/bank robber, etc, etc
3) Has a good relationship with his family
4) Financially stable/responsible
5) We have physical chemistry
6) Enjoys reading
7) Likes to watch movies
8) Not pushy religious
9) Has a good sense of humor (ie enjoys a good Judd Apatow production or a Frat Pack movie)
10) Can handle and understand sarcasm
11) Steps up to the plate when it matters the most
12) Athletic to an extent - not a lazy ass
13) Has his own group of friends
14) Has is own interests that don't have to be the same as mine
15) Enjoys going to shows/ seeing live music
16) Is nice
17) Is patient
18) Is aware of pop culture and not totally oblivious when I make such references
19) Reads newspaper and other news sources
20) Not a picky eater
21) Can cook
22) Passionate about the music that he likes
23) Enjoys his job - to an extent
24) Has goals/dreams for the future and has plans set in motion to achieve them
25) Is a social person
26) Not argumentative, but can have discussions/debates when we disagree on things
27) Not passive and/or passive aggressive
29) Can get along with my friends
30) Knows how to use a napkin
31) Chews with his mouth closed
32) Can set a table properly
33) Has an fairly good grasp of grammar
34) Understands that he is not #1 in my life, that spot is reserved for Riz
34.1) Most of my friends will pull rank over him and that needs to be understood and I
would expect the same from him
35) Not an over the top do-gooder
36) Not a Debbie Downer most of the time
37) He is comfortable with himself
38) Not a slob i.e. will do dishes, pick up after himself
39) Not uptight
40) Likes playing board games, cards
41) Does NOT play stupid mind games
42) Likes going to the beach/lake/swimming; generally enjoys being near water
43) Not racist, a bigot, homophobic ...
44) Has an open mind and is accepting of people
45) Does not have serious issues with drugs of all kinds and/or is currently an alcoholic
46) Knows more about cars than I do (which isn't a lot)
47) Not critical, leave the judging to me, thank you very much
48) Likes traveling
49) Understands my need for Independence and is not overbearing and suffocating
50) "I like you very much. Just as you are"

Thursday, March 19, 2009

To brighten the gloomy afternoon

There are some songs that always make me stop and reflect and remind me of how I need to be living my life. This is one of them and I just wanted to share it.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

I'm Done!

A handful of years back, I made this same statement on an online journal and it really helped me 1) become accountable for the statement and 2) keep things in perspective.

I am done talking about the size of my body, weight and everyone else's body size and weight. No good ever comes from this and often quickly turns judgemental and negative. While I have been thinking about this for some time, the drama surrounding Meghan McCain is what has motivated me to finally say something.

It is especially disheartening when a woman's weight is used as an insult by another woman in a forum that has nothing to do with looks. Laura Ingram resort to school yard antics because she wanted to make herself look superior and all she really did was look like a bitch. I have the utmost admiration for Meghan for standing up for herself and reminding us that as women we do need to stick together and not use something as petty as weight as an argument for why someone should not be involved in politics.

As a woman living in our society I feel constant scrutiny about my appearance. I feel that I am being judged by everyone around me (strangers and friends alike) for the outfit I wear, if my make up is nice or how much I weigh. Though some of this is a self-involved statement, there is a lot of truth to the amount of pressure that all women feel to look a certain way. And I am done with it.

I am talking talking about it with friends about what we wish our bodies looked like or the size we really want to be. In the end no one feels good about the conversation and it only just makes us look at our faults as opposed to the great parts about it. It leads to a feeling of competitiveness and jealousy towards the people we are supposed to be loving the most - next to ourselves of course.

While, sure I am going to continue to eat healthy and watch what goes into my body I am doing it for how it all makes me feel. I still love drinking cocktails and beer and my love for all things sugary and salty hasn't subsided, I just need to make sure I make the right choices so that in the end everything balances out.

My body has been the same size for almost two years now, and its not going to change, so I just need to start loving it more because it is the only one I get.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Victory (said in the "Viking Quest" voice)

Well there was not really a victory last night, but at least it wasn't a slaughter.

Last night was the "Renew the Rivalry" game of SU v UW in men's basketball. Now, I have lamented before about SU and sports and going D1, yada yade. But when it comes down to it, I have school spirit and pride in my alma mater. I will cheer with best of them (and loudly). And that is what I did last night.

Though we lost 67-80, we did score more than I think anyone thought, played a good defense and, hey, we at least scored more than Upstate did in their game. All in all, it wasn't terrible.

It was however very surreal to be watching my school play on TV. This is the same team that just last year I saw play in gym smaller than the one in my high school. There are still guys on the team that I recognize from working at Connolly. Let's face it, it is kind of cool.

Hopefully they read this before the game, to help keep things in perspective.

Monday, February 23, 2009

I won!

So another award season has come and gone. I feel I had a very successful Oscar party this year. Brought together both new and old friends, ate lots and lots of yummy food and tried not to sound too crazy obsessive (I don't think I was that successful).

And you guessed it, I won the pool again this year (last year, what a fluke). I would just like to thank the Academy for voting for Sean Penn and for my gut instinct telling me to vote for him. Otherwise I would have lost and it would have been a tie between Allison and Rubi.

Best moment of the night:

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

I want to win

1) I don't think I have related more to a fictional, literary character more than I have Jessica Darling (well, minus having a Marcus Flutie)

2) The very last one of the series is coming out on April 14th, but you can totally pre-order it

3) Check out the talented Georgette's stop motion video about what JD has meant to her. The best one I saw, plus awesome song choice

4) Yes, I totally pimped out my blog after reading about the contest on Megan McCafferty's (retro)blog because that is how much I want a free copy of the book

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

I'm lovin' it

The fact that I have figured out how to get my hair to look crazy, sexy like SJP in the first few seasons of SATC

The man who drew my blood this morning who in the first time in my life did it correctly and was not poking and prodding me for hours

Planning surprise birthday parties - I get to bake and have be in charge, what isn't there to love

The broski coming in T minus 2.5 days

Jen Lancaster, despite her being a staunch Republican

The sun shining out my window right now

I Love You More Than Blank

Friday, February 6, 2009


I keep a gratitude journal that I try to write in everyday - especially during times when I get angry at someone/a situation. It is a calming technique that always helps me put things in perspective. But I have not been that great at keeping up with it as of late, so I decided to write it out here in the open as a public reminder of all the good things I have going in my life.

1) I have a job and in times like this where I know two women who have been laid off at jobs they have been at for a number of years. So even when times are slow I need to remember that at least I am still employed.

2) My brother (and Ben) are coming in just about a week and I swear I just get so excited just thinking about it. It will have been about 10 months since I last saw him and I didn't realize how long that would feel.

3) Becoming better friends with people at work. It makes the work day, just a tad more enjoyable.

4) My jazzercise class, for not only kicking my butt back into shape, but for kick starting my mental state. I swear sometimes I don't know where I would be if this wasn't part of my "get Megan better" plan.

5) Having two weekends in a row where I got to hang out with Maegan. There are very few people in the world that get all parts of me and she is one of them.

6) The fact that I feel much more complete after talking with my mom on the phone, even if I wasn't feeling particularly un-whole, it always just fills a void that is there.

7)My Ashley is returning to the states soon and we will FINALLY be in the same timezone. But I am also grateful for her leaving, for the mere fact that it was a catalyst to fix things with myself and helped me learn that I will be ok even when I am miles away from best friends.

8) Mondays from 8:30-9pm and Thursdays nights from 8-9pm when there is roommate TV time. It always feels a bit off on the times that it doesn't happen, the shows are definitely not as enjoyable when they aren't around

9)The re-institution of junk food Fridays a work - sugar always makes things more bearable

10) Feeling more self confident - while this is something that has made my gratitude list a lot, it has been missing for a long time - so it deserves to be on here a lot

Wednesday, January 28, 2009


No wonder the spirit of the '60s was celebrated in The Fifth Dimension's "Aquarius." Aquarians are notorious nonconformists who thrive on philosophical pursuits and knowledge for the sheer joy of it. You reject a traditional love relationship because of the threat commitment represents to your intellectual freedom. You want people to trust and respect you, but when all is said and done, more is said than done. Observers marvel at your ability to wax metaphysical and articulate yourself in abstractions and lofty theories, but some dismiss it as pie-in-the-sky idealism. You could enhance your credibility if you'd shake that body of yours.

If you seek a reputation as something more than a latter-day hippie (I'm talking about your disposition and outlook, not your clothes), give physical expression to your will to improve the world. You're not inclined to take on more responsibilities than you can handle, again, because you want to remain free to think and grow. You may vacillate on important issues of the day without hypocrisy as your thinking evolves. You shun scheduled activities whenever possible, because you like to keep your options open across the board.

The same is true of your relationships. You would rather have friends than lovers because of the lesser commitment and lower maintenance. Although you're not bound by the morality of your grandparents, you take romance very seriously. You don't enter into romantic relationships lightly because you know how ruinous the wrong one can be. Still, you shouldn't reject as a potential lover a good friend who wants to grow together and separately the same ways you do — and who shares your insatiable appetites.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Happy 24th Birthday!

It is official, I am 24 years old. So far things have been good - and I just have a feeling that it will be a great year.
Biggest thanks to the following for making me feel loved and appreciated:
  • Rubi: for helping me start building my "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" collection, for holding my hair back and listening to me cry
  • Victor: For taking good care of me before Rubi came home, buying me dinner and picking up my car in the morning
  • Jason: My birthday haiku, making sure my sash stayed on and not making me cry
  • Maegan: For my new NY books, having birthday breakfast, and getting me McDonald's
  • Leslie: For risking life and limb to drive up yet again to Seattle, my new glasses and my Paula Deen Marinade
  • Robyn: for the post-hangover chat, wall posting and overall excitement on my part to visit soon
  • Ashley: For the early e-mail and the fabulous new music
  • Megan and Wes: for overcoming a hangover and celebrating for a little bit and for being the lone co-worker
  • Paul, John (and crew), Shametrice, Nick B., Melissa, Jackie (and her mom): for helping me celebrate and making sure that I got severely drunk :)
  • Ivan and Jimmy: for my brand new pair of chucks
  • Grace: for a beautifully wrapped gift certificate
  • Paul: for an awesome sweater
  • Dave, Jeff and Andy: for stuffing themselves at sushi
  • Margaret: For my first official Birthday wish
  • Monica, Phoebe, Jay, Jill, Mike Lukenbill, Gina, Luis, Ben, Canda (on myspace) for my facebook wishes
  • My family for the various calls and e-mails during the day
  • The two birthday songs from my jazzersisters

And if I forgot you I am sorry - You all mean the world to me and made my birthday very special

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

History in the making

It is no secret that I get my boisterousness and opinions from my father. In fact, while my whole family is democrats, I always think of my father when it comes to politics and the side I choose. It is because of my father that I feel such a strong connection to the Kennedys. True, most Irish-Catholic households in America feel a strong connection to them as well, but I would say its not as prevalent today as it was 40 years ago.

I have heard my father speak passionately about many things, but to hear him talk about JFK and RFK there is this incredible sense of emotion and pride in his voice. I have only one memory of my dad crying - but when he told me about when RFK was shot and how my dad was supposed to be there that night- he got choked up. This is why I have a soft spot for all things Kennedy and for why I was the only person silent as we passed by the Eternal Flame in Arlington in eighth grade and this is why I feel a strong connection to Barack Obama.

My dad has been talking about Obama for years. After he spoke at the DNC, my dad (and Oprah) knew he would make a phenomenal president. It didn't hurt that Obama went to Occidental like my dad and was from Illinois, like my dad. But there was that same passion, same emotion in my dad's voice when he talked about Obama that he as with the Kennedys.

And that is why I get charmed by Obama's charisma, believe that change in this country will happen and why I couldn't wipe the smile off my face as he was sworn into office.

Friday, January 9, 2009

I can't believe this

The Seattle P-I is being put up for sale. Now, I know that print journalism is slowly and unfortunately becoming archaic, but it still just breaks my heart a bit to see it go like this. True, there is the Seattle Times, but I am just not a fan of it. There is something about the P-I, perhaps the ties to SU and all the people I know who have interned or worked there, that makes me choose it over the Times.

I suppose the silver lining of this all is that it if it does not get bought that it could continue as an online only paper -- which would still make me happy. This is yet, just another reason that makes me question the career path that I chose. While, journalism isn't dead by any means - and really its not as though it will ever leave- it is just changing in a way that I don't know if I am prepared for. Its no secret that my time in college I was taught mostly old school journalism and by the time any digial media classes were offered, I neither had the space nor time to take them.

Perhaps some of my sadnesses of the sale is linked to what it means in the greater world of print media in general. But nevertheless it is yet just another reason why my love for this city is slowly but surely coming to an end.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Christmas Mexico Style

Well, I think that I have found my new tradition of Christmas in a sunny, warm beachy area. Mexico was AMAZING! It could basically be summed up into: eating, drinking, sun and beaches. It is easier to break it down into list form:
  • Having a guaranteed spot in the front due to car sickness
  • Not really killing each other after a week with 6 other people (The Real World, Sayulita)
  • "That's what she said"
  • Marathoning 'How I Met Your Mother"
  • "Have you met ..." and all other HIMYM references
  • Being loud and annoying in public places like airplanes and shuttles
  • New Mix
  • Drinking on the streets
  • The "Yes/No" game
  • Coca Light
  • Starting a gang
  • The great exchange rate
  • Ice Cream and choco bananas
  • Watching baby sea turtles that just hatched
  • Being on Mexican news
  • Watching fireworks up close and unsafely personal
  • Not wanting to come back to the cold and rain